In an Instant

This was written for a contest, and before my sister’s death but i wanted to share it anyways….

Enjoy.

Devon ran from his car to the front entrance of The Jazzy’s Blues, his music club of four years to get out of the pouring rain trying not to get his suit wet. His phone went off as soon as he hit the club’s door, opting not to pull his phone out in the rain, he didn’t answer it. He nodded to security and headed inside the building. He stood in the club’s foyer, and shook some of the water off his suit.  He was immediately greeted by his partner, Mike. “Hey D, how’s it going tonight?”

“It’s going, it’s going. Can you meet me in the office in about ten minutes so we can go over some things?”

“Sure. See you in a few minutes.” He told him. Devon greeted a few regulars as he kept his steady pace heading to the private elevators in the back of the building near the restrooms. He didn’t want to stop and talk tonight. He had just come in to take care of a few things before he was heading on vacation with his wife, Camille, who was four months pregnant with their first child. He could not have asked for a better wife, and soon to be mother to his child. They were college sweethearts and had been together for over fifteen years. He never messed around on her, and had never planned to, his parents taught him better than that, and frankly there wasn’t a woman around that could give him anything that Camille couldn’t.

Sitting at his desk, Devon remembered that he had a missed call. He didn’t recognize the number so he placed his phone on the desk, and looked over some paperwork he needed to complete before leaving. Mike had become his partner a year ago. Although he didn’t technically need one, he did it because Camille wanted him home more. Just as he was done signing the payroll checks, Mike knocked on the door, and walked in.

“So are you all packed and ready to go?”

“Pretty much. Camille should be on her way home from her parents’ house. We are leaving on the midnight jet eye and should make it to Jamaica around 9am. I am looking forward to the quietness, we haven’t had a real vacation since the honeymoon. So Camille is really looking forward to it.”

“Good. Good. Don’t worry about the club at all, I got everything under control. “

“I know you do. I signed the checks, so you should be good with that until I get back. I did want to talk to you about Anthony, though.”

“Anthony?”

“Yeah I am noticed that his till has come up short more than two times in the last week. So just between you and me, I installed a camera on the register, it’s hidden on the inside, and it’s virtually invisible. I just hope my suspicion is wrong, because I won’t tolerate dishonesty in this place. I treat everyone fairly and I expect to be treated the same.”

“Okay, I got it. I will make sure that I watch what’s going on more.

“Okay, man thanks. I appreciate that.” He told him as he looked at his phone screen, his phone was vibrating again. It was the same number that had called him a little while ago.  He answered on the second ring. “Devon Morgan.”

“Mr. Morgan my name is Doctor Chavis, and I am the Emergency Room attending at St. James Hospital, your wife Camille Morgan was in a car accident and was brought in from the site, we need you to come down here as soon as possible please.” Accident, Hospital. He could barely breathe. This wasn’t happening. Racing out the door Devon ran straight to his car, never turning around when Mike was calling out to him.  When he reached his car, he quickly called his parents and then called Camille’s parents. He tried to drive as calmly through his tears as he could. He came to a screeching halt at the ER entrance and ran inside, running up to the triage desk, giving Camille’s name. The nurse immediately took him to the back. He was greeted by the same doctor that called him.

“Mr. Morgan, your wife just came out of surgery, we truly tried everything we could to save her. I am sorry we weren’t able to save the baby, Mrs. Morgan sustained a severe head trauma in the accident and is considered brain dead. You can go in and see her. But I have to prepare you she may never wake up. The machines are keeping her alive for now. The force of the crash sent her head into the windshield. The only reason she didn’t die at the scene was because she had on her seatbelt.” Dr. Chavis explained to him patting him on the back. Devon wiped the tears from his eyes as the doctor opened the door for him. He saw his wife laying there on the bed, a nurse was adjusting the monitor when he walked up to the bed, nodding she left them alone.

Camille’s head was bandaged and her face was swollen. He almost didn’t recognize her. Pulling the chair up to her bed, he took her by the hand and kissed it. “Please Camille, wake up baby. I need you. I can’t, I can’t do this life without you,” he whispered. He thought he felt her squeeze his hand and he looked up, Camille’s eyes were still closed, the only sound in the room came from the machine that was breathing for her. Devon, laid his head on his wife’s stomach. His whole body felt her pain. The tears came hard out of nowhere. Devon felt his body shake with them. How could this happen, he had just talked to his wife, not even two hours ago. Now she was lying in this bed fighting for her life. And the baby, how would he be able to tell her about the baby? Devon, muffled his scream. He was so mad, why was God trying to take away the one person who meant the most to him? Wiping his eyes and nose on his sleeve, Devon closed his eyes, and prayed. Feeling someone jarring him he opened his eyes. His wife was sitting up and smiling at him. Her face wasn’t swollen, and she didn’t have a head bandage on. Was he dreaming, he had to be?

“Camille?” he asked hesitantly not expecting her to actually talk. “Devon. Yes it’s me. I don’t have much time but I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for messing our plans up, sorry for losing the baby.”

“Sorry? You don’t have to say you are sorry, this wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was. I looked down to grab my phone to call you and when I looked up the car was coming straight for me. He swerved into my lane because of the slick roads, but if I hadn’t been distracted, the accident wouldn’t have happened.”

“Camille, stop it is not your fault.” He repeated to his wife.

“I saw our son, he looks just like you. He is waiting on me to come hold him.”

“He?? Camille what are you talking about?” Although Devon knew exactly what she was talking about he was too afraid to say it aloud.

“Devon. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me the way you did, I hope one day you will let yourself love again because you deserve it. I was so blessed to have such a great man loving me, not too many people can say they had that. I will cherish that always.” Devon watched the tears fall from her face as he reached out to wipe them away, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to touch her, but was surprised her skin felt warm, and all he wanted to do was hold her.

“Camille I love you too, I don’t want to love anyone but you, please don’t leave me. Please,” he cried.

“Promise me you will try. Promise me please. I have to go now, our baby is waiting. I love you Devon.”

“I Promise. But wait, Camille, Wait!” He yelled, reaching out for his wife, but she started to fade from his touch. Suddenly, Devon was awakened by a loud buzzing noise as the room quickly filled with doctors and nurses. They frantically worked on his wife. She looked lifeless, and he already knew it was too late. She was gone. Walking out into the hallway, he was greeted by both their parents, he shook his head no, as he fell into his mother’s arms. Camille’s mother wailed loudly, as they all held each other. Dr. Chavis came back out a few minutes later and confirmed what he already knew. Devon felt his heart cave in. He just lost the love of his life. Everything just changed …in an instant.

Advertisements

A Dream

   2015-02-04 01.32.57

As i stand near the ledge the wind is howling, i can feel its force but wonder why its screaming at me, did i make you upset i ask to the wind its answer is only a loud howl of the wind, i wrap my arms around myself to shield me from its coldness, i try to keep the tears from falling, for some reason tonight his presence is so strong,

there are no clouds, no stars just complete darkness

again the wind blows but this time the wind has calmed down some

i hear footsteps behind me as i turn i feel him and i dont even see him yet

he wraps his strong arms around my waist and pulls me against him as he lightly kisses my neck and my hair

im home is all he whispered

as he turned me to him in a flash and crushed his lips against mine, as he parted my lips with his tongue

i resisted, but only for a second, for he had no right to be here any longer, he gave up that right the night he parted in my dreams

as i caught my breathe he said two words

never again

and walked away

suddenly i woke up and saw him laying next to me

he meant never again would he leave me, as he pulled me next to him and i drifted back to sleep in his arms

Guarded

trapped within four walls constantly looking for a way out why you ask because I keep my heart guarded These Walls represent my heart you told me to trust you and I did yet you still walked over me as if I didn’t exist you told me you loved me but you never showed it therefore my heart was left in shattered pieces with only me try to put the puzzle back together again so now  these walls are my reminder, that I need to look in the mirror and like what  I see, and maybe these walls will  begin to weaken. But for now they represent how guarded I am because from this day on the only way these walls will crumble is when I show how much I love myself enough not to settle not to be lied to and not to be hurt and not to expect and then one day when these walls come all the way down I know what I have in me is enough to let these walls stay down I am selfishly taking care of me so until then I’ll stay guarded against you and your words because your actions showed me more than you ever did

Say something

Say something to make me want to stay
say something that will make me see you in a different way
say something that would take away this pain
say something that I can use as a needle and thread
say something because I’m running out of excuses
say something because your silence speaks so loudly
say something you promised me the world and you’re giving me nothing
say something to make me smile again
say something to wash away these tears
say something to make me believe in love again
say something, anything to keep me from walking out that door

Meant To

HEARD YOU WERE BACK IN TOWN,

MUST HAVE MISSED YOUR CALL WHEN YOU PHONED

SEEMS SO FUNNY THAT I WASN’T THE FIRST YOU SAW

BUT ANYWAYS, WENT WALKING TO ONE OF OUR FAVORITE PLACES,

HAPPENED TO SEE YOU THERE, COULDN’T BELIEVE IT WAS YOU

YOU WERE CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH, BUT I TENTIONALLY STAYED AWAY

YOU WALKED UP TO ME, AND SMILED, THE ONE THAT MADE MY HEART SKIP A BEAT AND ASKED HOW I WAS OF COURSE I SAID I WAS FINE,

BUT WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS, CAN I KISS YOU FOR OLD TIMES SAKE

CAN YOU HOLD ME LIKE WE NEVER SAID GOODBYE

CAN YOU DANCE WITH ME JUST ONCE MORE JUST LIKE WE USED TO DO

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS I STILL LOVE YOU

MY FRIENDS MADE ME GO OUT, DID NOT WANT TO BE HERE

HEARD OUR SONG AND I ALMOST CRIED,

FELT YOUR PRESENCE BEHIND ME BEFORE I EVEN TURNED

WITHOUT A WORD YOU SIMPLY TOOK MY HAND,

I CLOSED MY EYES, AND DREAMED THAT IS WAS REAL CAUSE WHEN I OPENED MY EYES YOU WERE NO WHERE TO BE FOUND IF I HAD THE CHANCE I WOULD TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS I SHOULD HAVE SAID BEFORE YOU WALKED OUT MY DOOR

I MEANT TO YOU TELL YOU HOW MUCH I NEED YOU

HOW I CAN’T BREATHE WITHOUT YOU

THAT THIS LIFE IS NOTHING IF YOU ARE NOT HERE

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS I STILL LOVE YOU

HOW CAN WE BE DONE, HOW CAN WE BE FINISHED

WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY PROMISES THAT YOU

STILL HAVE TO COMPLETE WITH ME

ALL THOSE DREAMS WERE NOT FANTASIES

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS YOU LIED TO ME

BUT I STILL WANT YOU IN MY LIFE,

WHAT I  MEANT TO SAY IS NO MATTER WHAT

I’LL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU

AND I  KNOW YOU WONT STOP LOVING ME

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS I STILL LOVE YOU

Body Cleansing

My mind races with thoughts as I try and keep up

These four walls seem to be closing in on me

Just don’t understand, this disparity in my soul

Kicking and screaming as the tears continue to fall

Don’t even try and wipe them away

Yet I let them feel my cup, as I take a sip to

Cleanse my mind, body and soul as I begin to

see light at the end of the tunnel, and I know for sure

That this won’t last for always, but I just needed a cleansing

of my body of my soul

I let him in again, and his thoughts took over my mind, the rope that was so thin as it started to unravel. he has begun to braid his way into  my soul,

one piece at a time, but its what i allowed, it what i turned a blind eye to

but Then God opened my eyes, and dried my tears, giving me the strength I needed

to sweep the grief and doubts out the door, and I can walk across the weathering seas and into His awaiting arms as I hold my face to the sky and he takes away my fears,

and my leftover tears, I get on my knees and hold my heart and my hands up to thee as I know

My Lord is cleansing my soul

 

The Dear John Letter

Ever wanted to write a letter to say what your mouth couldn’t?

Here’s a brief look into a conversation about that “letter” Enjoy!

 

I can’t believe this. 

I’m sorry; I know I shouldn’t have been a coward.

Humph, “coward” isn’t exactly the word I have chosen to call you.

Don’t you think this is hard on me too?

Right now I don’t care too much about what’s hard on you, Paul.

Monica, we have been together for five years, this has gone on long enough.

Five years of wasted time, according to you.

It wasn’t wasted time; we started out wanting the same things.

I don’t remember when that changed; I still want the same things.

See, that’s the problem, you want the “same” things, it’s always the SAME!!

So you want something different?!

Yes, different would have been good “sometimes” maybe I was asking for too much.

Wasn’t I good to you, didn’t I do things for you, why are you doing this?

Come on Monica don’t sit there and act like we have had this perfect relationship.

I never said it was perfect all relationships have good and bad times Paul.

Yea, but in our case our bad has outweighed the good.

Wow, is that really how you have seen us?

Well, don’t get quiet now coward, answer the question!!!!

To be honest, yes, Monica, yes.

Finally a straight answer from you, So I guess this really is goodbye.

I guess so.

Oh, and Paul, just to let you know, you should have stayed a coward, and just left the “dear John” letter on the door